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The Mathematics of Cyberporn

Today, I got a spam E-mail advertising, "The Hottest, Sluttiest Women On The Net." Now, I have no problem with spam. Anybody who tries to make porn more available to me is OK in my book. However, the ad itself sort of confused me.

What I couldn't figure out was: did the site contain the hottest of the slutty women, or the sluttiest of the hot women? I'd vastly prefer the latter, because, in general, the slutty women I've met have been rather on the homely side.

But then I thought, might it be a little more complicated than that? What sort of metric do they use to measure the relative amounts of hotness and sluttiness necessary for a woman to appear on the site? If a woman was incredibly hot but not the least bit slutty (say, she's wearing a business suit in all of her pictures), would she make the site? What if she was unimaginably slutty, but she, say, had lots of scars and no face? Would her pure sluttiness guarantee her pictures placement?

My guess is that they have some sort of measurement defined on H-S Space, which is a simple two-dimensional graph where the X-axis represents Hotness and the Y-axis represents Sluttiness. But then, what sort of formula would they use on this space to determine the prospective picture's overall score?

I, personally, am leaning towards the classics. Say Sqrt((Hotness)^2 + (Sluttiness)^2). Nice, simple, Pythagorean magnitude. Then, take the pictures of highest magnitude which have Sluttiness above a certain level (to avoid having a site full of pictures of really sweet lookin' nuns). A linear factor could be added if you wanted to put a heavier weight on Hotness or Sluttiness. And hey, who doesn't?

So I sent them an E-mail responding to their spam asking them about the mathematical basis of their site (since I wanted to make sure I approved of their metrics before I took the time to visit). I haven't heard from them yet, but, strangely, the next day my In box was filled with lots of E-mail from other porn sites. I'm not sure when I will have time to analyze the new ads for internal mathematical consistency, but I'll be sure to let you all know about it when I'm done, and when the chafing heals.

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