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Fahrenheit 911

1. If the complicated, wonkish web of Saudi-Bush connections at the beginning of the film confuses you for a bit, liven up everyone’s night by pretending to be in the wrong film. Lean close to someone near you and loudly whisper, “Wow. Spiderman’s gotten FAT!”

2. If you’re planning to have sex with your wife later in the evening, learn from my mistakes. Don’t expect a lot. You’ll be going and working up a good rhythm, and suddenly she’ll be like all “That Bush family fills me with such rage! ... Your arm’s on my hair. ... I bet Bush’s arm would be on my hair!”

3. People have a tendency to applaud at the end of the movie. Some crowds even give standing ovations. Please. There is nothing lamer than applauding a movie. Please bear in mind that the film is a large chunk of inanimate material, mostly celluloid. It can not hear your praise.

Thank you. Now go.

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