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As I write this, the Senate just voted on whether or not to have a Constitutional Amendment to bar flag burning. And, really, I am SO GLAD that our leaders are FINALLY taking the time to debate the PRESSING problems facing our nation.

I mean, flag burning is a serious problem. Today, I walked down the street to the post office to get my mail. I could barely walk those five blocks for all of the people around me burning flags. There were like two on every block. It was awful! All those flag ashes were about to give me an asthma attack! Flags are being burned everywhere you look! It’s a terrible, terrible problem!

And it must have required incredible strength and focus for the Senate to be able to debate this. I mean, I’m sure they were worried like crazy about the way we are currently involved in two wars that many people, Democrats and Republicans alike, think might not be going as well as they possibly could. And one of our oldest and beloved cities is still a combination mud pit/trailer park with the new hurricane season already started, and the national debt and the trade deficit are shooting up out of control at the same time, and, oh yeah, North Korea is the thickness of a hair from being able to drop a nuclear bomb on the city where I’m trying to raise my fucking kids.

With all of these distractions, I’m amazed that the Senate was able to maintain laser-like focus on an issue of such unbelievable irrelevance. What marvelous brains they must have.

And the Democrats, hapless, wandering lambs that they are, argue against the Amendment on the basis of free speech. What a marvelous ability they have to always be right in a way that makes everyone hate them.

The real reason this amendment is stupid is that, at a time like this, scribbling on the Bill of Rights with a Sharpie to defend ourselves against harmless jackasses and malcontents is just idiotic.

And this would be true even if lots of people were out there burning the flag. Which there aren’t.

I weep.


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