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Parenting Camp, Part Two

The story so far. My seven year old half-brother-in-law is staying with me and my radiant wife, giving me a crash course in caring for and dealing with the young. Duration of stay? Subjective time: 2.5 - 4 weeks. Objective time: Until the universe itself has ground to a halt.

In the previous week and a half, I have learned several very interesting things.

i. You know how Ritalin (that drug for kids with ADD) has increasingly been prescribed for lots and lots of kids, not because there's anything wrong with them but because they have a kid's normal hyperness and exuberance?

I think that this RULES. Don't give me any of that "Let the kid be an individual and develop normally and be free and don't tranquilize him" horseshit. The only reason I want to pump this little howler monkey full of Ritalin is that I don't know where to get Thorazine.

ii. Now that I think about it, epidurals are a really good thing. For the child. Anything to slow him down a little bit.

iii. We rented Mario Golf 64 for him the other day. One of the characters you can play in it is Mario Jr.

HELLO? When did THAT happen? Mario is having sex now? The moment I found this out, I started speculating about who the mother was. (Favorite guess: Yoshi)

Closer examination of the documentation revealed that the mom was Princess Peach. (Duh.) I love this. Mario and Peach are FUCKING. It's canon! However, I am slightly suspicious about all of this. Sure, the kid is supposed to be Mario's son. But I think that he looks suspiciously like Luigi.

iv. The kid can rip me out a new asshole at N64. I felt that, even with his months of experience, I should be able to trash a 7 year old at computer games. Wrong. I SUCK. I've only beat him at Super Smash Brothers once, and only because my bigger, older brain figured out that, if I ran out the clock when I was ahead, I would win. The kid was not impressed.

v. There are 150 Pokemon. For now.

v. Despite the rocky parts, I still want to breed. If, for no other reason than that I want someone who can give me a kidney.


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