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Article: Parenting Camp... The Conclusion.

The story so far. Though I have not yet officially bred, my wife and I have been in charge of a seven year old boy for some time now. Keeping him amused. Mentally stimulated. Alive. Now that this time is drawing to a close, I feel I should lend some closure to this tale, for the benefit of those who have been following it.

i. At first, the kid totally tooled on me in Super Smash Brothers on the Nintendo 64. But then, through great amounts of practice and liberal application of my grown-up game designer brain, I managed to get to the point where my skill was about equal with his.

So now, whenever we're playing and I seem to be doing as well as he is, he immediately gets tired of the game and hits reset. I take great satisfaction in this.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I want to rip away the few shreds of self-esteem, which have developed in his seven year old brain. BUT I DO.

ii. Strife has entered the placid pool that is the relationship between my wife and I, creating ripples of angst. We were discussing the issue of, should we not want to have any more kids at some point, which one of us would get our reproductive tubes surgically severed.

I felt that we should figure out which one of us would go under the knife by flipping for it. Though this solution is almost awe-inspiring in its simplicity and elegance, my wife finds it to be somehow unsatisfying.

iii. It becomes much less of a good thing to leave the toilet seat down when a seven year old keeps pissing on it.

iv. Children can be loud and annoying, but this is made up for by the thrilling sensation of having absolute power over them. Behavior, which would be intolerable in a boss or significant other, becomes charming in someone who you can just laugh at.

When I was a kid, I could never understand why adults would sometimes laugh at suffering which I considered intolerable. Now that I'm a grown-up, I know why they were laughing. Because I was funny!


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