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My Latest Pet Peeve

Lately, I have been increasingly peeved (in my admittedly irrational way), by people who proclaim that, "I don't like pornography, but I like erotica." Usually, this prompts some inquisitive nearby soul to ask, "What's the difference?" Though I usually don't respond to this question (being, as I am, the soul of discretion and politeness), I do have an answer.

Erotica is pornography that you can't jerk off to.

Erotica is what you keep in the bookshelves in the living room to show people how hip and open minded you are. Pornography is what you keep in your nightstand for when you're ready to GET BUSY.

Pornography is for wanking. Erotica is for wankers.

Pornography doesn't have to be pictures. Any collection of stories edited by Susie Bright is smut of the highest order, despite the tragic, marketing-oriented need to put the E-word on the cover. But damn it, if it's meant to be a good dirty story... Buddy, I've got a woody to maintain here. Establish your characters, make a few poignant statements on the state of society, and GET BUSY. If you want to be funny, or make powerful statements about the evils of patriarchy, or shock people and elevate the human consciousness to a different state of being, do it on your own goddamn time.

Good pictures of people goin' at it are pornography. When the people in the pictures are all 400 pounds each with 50 tattoos and 8 pounds of piercings, that's erotica. (I call this the 'I Am My Lover' rule.)

Sex-oriented poems are ALWAYS erotica. Five hundred year old Asian prints with guys with penises the size of Datsuns are ALWAYS erotica. Black and white "arty" pictures of nipples superimposed on other nipples are erotica. Those thousand page collections of 16th century bondage woodcuts with creepy German names like "Ein Tausand Submischiffe Frauleins" just plain suck.

On Our Backs is pretty hot, though.

Thank you very much for bearing with me in this honest expression of my viewpoint. Please rest assured that I value and empower your opinions as well. Oh, and if you read this because you were searching on DejaNews for stuff about computer games I wrote, please bear in mind that this was not in fact written by Jeff Vogel but by, uhhh, his mom.

Like computer games? A great fantasy adventure awaits you here.

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