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We received this E-mail mere hours before the election and George W. Bush’s triumphant recoronation. Previous missives from Daria can be found here and here.

This letter is touching for the way it conveys the belief that it is possible for things to turn out well. Now that the election has happened, of course, we know that this is not the case.

FREEDOM !!!

Hey there Doctor V, just thought I'd drop you a line to talk about the all-important US election. First of all, let me say that I do not give a flying fuck who is elected tomorrow morning. I do not care. It's your country dude, do what thou wilt with it.

Secondly, it is important to stress the fact that the citizens of America are not to blame for the sorry, sad image that they have in the eyes of the world's media. On the whole, so I understand, the Americans are a bright, mentally-able bunch of chaps. It's just that George Bush LOOKS stupid. And many of the Americans we see on television LOOK stupid. Don't get me wrong, we have dumb people in Britain too. The Beckhams, for example. We are just as obese and outspoken as you, our alter egos across the pond. It's just that it's FUN to take the piss out of the nation that is, effectively, controlling our own government.

Let me explain. My name is Daria. I live in England, which is part of Great Britain. They SAY that we're an independent democracy, but in effect we're ruled by a tyrannous but highly amusing dictator named George Dubya Bush. There's a man called Tony Blair who is like our mayor, but he doesn't get to make any of the important decisions, such as whether to send our fathers, brothers and sons to the Middle East to fight wars that aren't in anyone's best interests. The decisions, of course, are made by Dubya. This is why most Brits share a distaste for anything American, and poke fun at the relationship between Blair and Bush. On Valentines Day 2003, a British tabloid newspaper had a photoshopped picture of them snogging (or 'making out', as the Yanks would say) inside a pink heart on their front page.

George Bush has funny eyes. They are sort of hooded, and always give away the fact that he is laughing inside. Now, I don't know whether this is because he is retarded, or whether he knows something the rest of us don't. But next time he's on TV, just look. They're laughing.

His opponent is John Kerry. He looks a little bit like a hot dog with a face. His eyes are also hooded. There have been no publicised meeting between him and Blair. So far. But as soon as he gets the keys to the White House (and we Brits are almost certain he will) they'll be best mates. But we can dream. And lately, we've been dreaming of freedom. Kerry isn't getting his arse licked by our Prime Minister. He won't lead us into another publicly opposed war. Will he ? We have to believe that he won't. We don't want him to. He is our only chance of emancipation from the oppressive Bush regime. And that is why I want him for my President. I mean your President.

Daria Davenport


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