Welcome to Irony Central! Here, you will find a variety of humor for the sophisticated and adult Internet konnisewer.

If you are below 18 years of age, go away immediately! The contents of these pages will give an underage reader unsightly scabs and even worse acne than you already have.

And Now It Is a Book! For years, this web site has served fresh, bitter baby humor up to many, many thousands of visitors. And now The Story About the Baby is available is actual, physical form. “The Poo Bomb - True Tales Of Parental Terror” is now available! This book, guaranteed to have been printed on the genuine corpse-material of slaughtered trees, contains piles of genuine laughs for anyone who has experienced parenthood. Or anyone who wants good reasons why they shouldn’t. To learn more, go here. To buy a copy and have it dropped on your doorstep by a sweaty UPS guy, use the link to the right.

Fresh Contents:

05/31/07
IBM, in its infinite wisdom, asked Jeff Vogel to write an article about programming practices. The result is here. You might think his ideas are stupid, but that is all right. It doesn’t matter that he was stupid. What does matter is that he was paid.

04/23/07
Jeff has another funny rant about role-playing games up at RPG Vault. It’s here.

02/15/07
Jeff Vogel has yet another new article at RPG Vault. It’s about his increasing dislike of playing the sort of game he spends so much time writing.

View From the Bottom #7

11/01/06
Jeff Vogel has a new article on on RPG Vault. It is about the common path players take through online RPGs like World of Warcraft, from killing field mice by yourself to fleeing your raid guild in an explosion of burnout and regret.

View From the Bottom #6

08/10/06
Jeff has another shrill and humorous article about RPGs up at the Vault Network.

View From the Bottom #5

06/28/06
As I write this, the Senate just voted on whether or not to have a Constitutional Amendment to bar flag burning. And, really, I am SO GLAD that our leaders are FINALLY taking the time to debate the PRESSING problems facing our nation.

I mean, flag burning is a serious problem. Today, I walked down the street to the post office to get my mail. I could barely walk those five blocks for all of the people around me burning flags. There were like two on every block. It was awful! All those flag ashes were about to give me an asthma attack! Flags are being burned everywhere you look! It’s a terrible, terrible problem!

And it must have required incredible strength and focus for the Senate to be able to debate this. I mean, I’m sure they were worried like crazy about the way we are currently involved in two wars that many people, Democrats and Republicans alike, think might not be going as well as they possibly could. And one of our oldest and beloved cities is still a combination mud pit/trailer park with the new hurricane season already started, and the national debt and the trade deficit are shooting up out of control at the same time, and, oh yeah, North Korea is the thickness of a hair from being able to drop a nuclear bomb on the city where I’m trying to raise my fucking kids.

With all of these distractions, I’m amazed that the Senate was able to maintain laser-like focus on an issue of such unbelievable irrelevance. What marvelous brains they must have.

And the Democrats, hapless, wandering lambs that they are, argue against the Amendment on the basis of free speech. What a marvelous ability they have to always be right in a way that makes everyone hate them.

The real reason this amendment is stupid is that, at a time like this, scribbling on the Bill of Rights with a Sharpie to defend ourselves against harmless jackasses and malcontents is just idiotic.

And this would be true even if lots of people were out there burning the flag. Which there aren’t.

I weep.

06/08/06
Jeff Vogel has another column (this one about buying gold in online games) at IGN RPG Vault.

05/02/06
According to the Tuesday, May 2nd New York Times, the Vatican is currently arguing over a very, VERY difficult issue:

“The issue is AIDS. Church officials recently confirmed that Pope Benedict XVI had requested a report on whether it might be acceptable for Catholics to use condoms in one narrow circumstance: to protect life inside a marriage when one partner is infected with H.I.V. or is sick with AIDS.”

Now far be it from me to judge religious people, but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THERE IS ROOM FOR DISCUSSION HERE!?!?

Now I can understand why the pope wants to take his time with this one. Remember, he does consider himself capable of infallibly speaking for God. So he’s allowed to take his time.

But if you are married to someone with AIDS and have sex with them, YES. YOU CAN USE A CONDOM. JESUS CHRIST!

05/02/06
I just recently had an entertaining E-mail exchange with an internet crank. Since it was, genuinely, the first hostile E-mail I’ve ever gotten about the baby journals, I thought I’d put it up, so everyone could know how much I suck.
Letters

04/14/06
Another article on writing computer games by Jeff.

04/07/06
Jeff Vogel, the proprietor of this site, has been writing a humorous column on computer games for ign.com. You can read the first two columns here and here.