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Miscellaneous Letters

05/10/03

Subject: ani vs jewel

stupid article.
i happen to adore and respect both talented and credible singer/song writer/poets..
they both are amazing in each way
you’re analysis was pure preference.
yes it made me angry that people would react in such an immature and disgusting manner towards jewel as being uncool and all.. but what do you think you just did?
and if you don’t happen to like poetry...
don’t claim it to be bad or wrong...
just plug your ears or
“put a bucket over your head”

thanks!
sincerely,
Ivan

 

If I saw someone torturing puppies and driving nails into them, I would be offended and do what I could to make them stop. Poetry is exactly the same thing.

-Jeff Vogel


05/05/03

Subject: ani/jewel

Whoever wrote that article on Jewel being cooler than Ani, is a fucking moron. Not that I think one is cooler than the other, but the article was just SO stupid!! Maybe you should write an article about how much cooler everyone is than you, including Jewel and Ani. Just because the majority of people who listen to that kind of music prefer Ani, doesn’t mean she thinks she’s any “cooler” than anyone else. You obviously have no creative or musical abilities, talents, knowledge, so do everyone a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!! thanks

-AC

Thank you for taking part in the campaign to make Ani DiFranco the most overrated performer ever in the history of anything.

-Jeff Vogel


04/04/03

You, Yeah you, funny guy...I’m sitting at my computer, eating ice cream and reading your article on ejaculation pills and I almost fucking choked. The ice cream was spat part on the rug, part back in the cup. Much coughing and watering of eyes. “Childrens Dosage!”You ( almost ) slay me. We’re having a baby girl too and one of my friends whose 17 year old girl was just busted after smoking speed tried to explain to me the horrors of raising a girl. I did not sleep well that night. In the morning I remembered he left his wife and children when they were young so he could go out and fuck other women and get high. My friend is an asshole. Must have been all that Scientology he did back in the olden days. Just had to share.

Thanks,

- Michael

 

I had to put this on the letters page. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen “good old days”and “Scientology” used in approximately the same place.

-Jeff Vogel


01/22/02

Subject: Lord of the Rings

Liked the comments on the incompetence of the Nazgul. Sauron should offer better benefits, maybe he'd attract quality henchmen.

I have a more profound problem with the Lord of the Rings (and I had the same problem in the book). If Gandalf can escape from Sarumans' tower with a Roc, why can't the same bird fly Frodo from the Shire to Mt. Doom! I guess the book would have been too short.

Luc

 

I can answer that one. Sauron used nasty birds to search for the Fellowship. If they tried that, the moment the got anywhere near Mordor, they would have been pecked to death.

And why didn't Sauron use the birds on Gandalf? Because by the time he knew that Gandalf was flying away, Gandalf had already safely landed well away from Isengard.

-Jeff Vogel


12/13/01

Subject: Another satisfied customer

It's bad enough you offer recipes for "tasty meat" right on Spiderweb's site, but Irony Central has guaranteed that I will never buy anything from you again. Cordelia can pump gas for a living for all I care. Go fuck yourself, asswipe.

Sincerely,

Anson

 

As some readers of this site know, I make my living selling computer games for Windows and Macintosh. Many business people would hesitate to have the professional web site link to as virulent a pool of filth as this one. Not me. I run my own business so I can do what I want and, if you don't like it, oh well.

If you want to encourage this attitude, my games are available here.

-Jeff Vogel


5/14/2001

Re: Working Out article

Another entertaining thing to do at the gym is listen to other people's conversations. This always makes me feel superior. Of course once you have heard the diet discussion it loses some of its entertainment value when you have to hear it again and again.

There were two girls who were friends at my old gym who compared notes every day (that is until the vicious fight about who had the looser morals) about what they had eaten that day. Based on the conversation, it seemed to me they subsisted largely on fat free yogurt and metabolite diet supplement (like real life but not as filling or tasty). I never could figure out what diet they were supplementing.

I also became friends with several aerobics instructors and one dark night somehow sucked into the dreaded "What size are you" conversation. This involves all the women in the group bemoaning their teeny size 6 pants or some similar problem. Unable to take it anymore, I said, "I'm a size ten."

Dead silence followed. Then Suzie (all aerobics instructor's names end with "ie".) said in a comforting voice, "Well, you don't really look like a size ten." Unable to choose between slitting my wrists or hers I went home trying to figure out at what point in the relationship my character became synonymous with the size of my skirt.

-- Shayna Abrams


04/26/2001

Re: Real Change article

Dear Mr. Vogel,

I have just discovered your website, and have now read "I Hate the Real Change". As an employee of Fox, I resent the statement that we are in the business of "mockery of the insane and the exploitation of the powerless". The people we mock may be considered insane, but have not been medically proven to be so. Likewise, a state of powerless[ness] cannot be quantified. Therefore, we may still go about our business and maintain the image of respectable morality.

As far as homeless magazines go, I feel that the homeless should have a magazine for themselves. Not only would it include their rants, but have suggestions such as "1001 uses for old cardboard boxes", "Tips on Where to Find Shelter" and "Edible Urban Flora and Fauna". If your selflessness extends so far, perhaps you can submit suggestions and help write an article for this publication. Perhaps you can then elevate the status of The Real Change into a more respected newsletter, and in the process turn yourself into a respected journalist.

Sincerely,

Steven Siu


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