We wouldn't beat all the bad and stupid people to death with lead pipes. Oh, no. Too repetitive. And if there's anything a loyal Scorched Earther believes in, it's creativity in violence.
On Mondays, for example, victims would be wedgied to death by gigantic, macrame underpants.
On Tuesdays, liquid nitrogen would be poured into their viscera through a narrow tube.
On Wednesdays, we'd be nice and let them go.
On Thursdays, we'd change our minds and HUNT THEM DOWN. WHEEE!!!
On Fridays, we'd give them really bad noogies and indian rug burns. Sure, it may not be fatal. But it would be goofy, and sometimes that's what really counts.
On Saturdays, they get diced up and thrown into the giant pool of molten roquefort. Yummy!
On Sundays, we pay homage to our Christian roots. Crucifixions all around!
The Scorched Earth Party isn't into cruel and unusual punishment. It's into cool and unusual punishment. Think about it, won't you?
Scorched Earth Party:
"We are incapable of seeing any punishment as cruel, or unusual. That's what makes us so neat!"
- Jeff Vogel Scorched Earth Party
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