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Scorched Earth Party Position Paper: Sex Ed

(The masses have spoken. All few of them. All the major S.E.P. posts will be cross-posted to talk.bizarre. The minor posts, such as the daily Scorched Earth Musings, will be confined to alt.politics.scorched-earth.)

Sex Education.

We at the Scorched Earth Party are nothing, if not sexually progressive. We want it. We want it bad. And we know you want it too. And we at the Scorched Earth Party are good in bed. We like foreplay. Not only can we find the clitoris, we can find the penis too.

Sex Education is a good thing, almost a right. Everyone should be exposed to it. But not just children! Oh no! Everyone, from 2-month olds, to fetuses, to your maiden grandmother. Everyone!

And it will be administered, of course, by me.

Every week, Thursday night, 8-9 PM, three lucky citizens, chosen by lottery, will be serviced by me, as Don Pardo provides helpful commentary. Everyone must watch. Even the blind. Even Hugh Hefner. Anyone not watching will be beaten to death with a lead pipe.

And, of course, there will be quizzes regarding my performance, skill, and the shape of my ass given every Friday morning.

Mandatory porn. Arbitrary testing. Hot sex. And Seinfeld afterwards. Vote Scorched Earth.

Scorched Earth Party -

     "We love this country. Hot sticky love. Penetrative love. And the Constitution is our rubber."

- Jeff Vogel Scorched Earth Party


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